There was once a time in my life when, even though I was living with a partner and my young children, I felt completely alone. Lost. Empty. Scared. During this time, I felt like there was no way out. No one I could turn to. Longing for help, yet no idea where to turn. Longing to be rescued. Wishing I could run away back to my homeland, to be taken in by my family and friends. When I reflect back on those times, I can see this was an important part of my life journey and those dark times were necessary. I didn’t see it at the time, but I needed to suffer. To feel helpless and isolated, so I would search for something else. Something to help me feel better not just temporarily, but long term, putting me back on the right path. Like a lot of us, I had spent most of my youth searching for this something in the wrong places. I looked for it in relationships, career, travel, partying, food, pleasing people and running - until I could run no more! I even believed having children was the answer. Don’t get me wrong, all of these things worked for a while and did bring me great pleasure and joy, however there was an attachment to these things that led me to being vulnerable and dependent on them. So, eventually when these things weren’t going so well, I wound up with that lost feeling and not knowing where to turn. Back then it astonished me, that people could be happy and content to live, travel and simply ‘be’ by themselves. I wondered, “How did those people not feel alone?” As a child I had enjoyed being out in nature by myself, walking our family dog on the expansive, green country moors of the Somerset levels. However, as I got older life got complicated, demanding and scary, my time to myself in any form diminished and I had become more dependent on company and companionship for connection. Have you too, ever felt lost and alone? Our minds are so powerful. They have the ability to tell us things, that we then believe are true. What we think - we believe. However, are we ever truly alone??? My dark times led me to a new path that I am now so grateful for. A path that taught me I have never been, and never will be alone. This path helped me to realize I am supported, guided, and connected to something much, much bigger than myself. This ‘something’ has ALWAYS been there in the background, weaving its magic, showing me my next step, synchronizing my days and whispering in my ear. It's almost ironic that a lack of time to myself, left me feeling more alone! Without that space in my life, my fears and worries began to control my mind and stopped me from seeing, listening and connecting to this “something”. A veil of darkness had clouded my perceptions, resulting in the loud, intrusive voice of my young ego mind being the only thing I could hear. I remember the turning point. My lowest moment, when I was curled up in a ball, sobbing, knowing I’d had enough. I knew I could not go on this way any longer. I cried and I prayed. To what I didn’t know. I decided something had to change and that change had to happen within me. As my tears dried, I realised in that moment, the only thing I really could control - was me. The only person that could help me – was me. I decided there and then, to stop trying to control what was going on around me and to start working on fixing myself. Somehow, in this moment the ‘something’ had got through to me. I slowly began to take quality time for me to care of myself. A weekly Yoga a class. A short meditation while the kids were napping. A walk on the beach. This allowed me to connect back in with myself and this 'something'. I could sense the nudges towards the changes I needed to make and when I listened to them things got better. Like, when I decided to not listen to the surgeons, and instead follow my nudge by drastically changing my diet and lifestyle in order to avoid a major operation on my pancreas. And like when I saw the flyer and decided to sign up for Yoga Teacher Training, even though I had no idea how I was going to make it work or even know if I wanted to be a Yoga Teacher! Following the nudges was not easy, but they were what I was being guided to do and I began to trust it and as a result I felt better, and life got better. Sometimes, when I could not hear the whispers in my mind, this ‘something’ would have to communicate through other means – like a person, a notice board, an email or social media post or something much more confronting like a forced change of circumstances. Even though I didn’t always recognise it as something special working behind the scenes at the time, I know now, it was there. 10 years on from my darkest moments, I am in awe every day at the little miracles that happen through this ‘something’. It’s a magical force that can not be explained rationally, but I know its energy exists. I feel it in my heart and body. I hear it in my mind. I see it in the beauty of this world and in others. I believe we are born from it and then return to it when we pass on, and maybe that is why at times we may feel we don't belng here on earth, until we learn to connect back in with it. I now understand why those people were content to be by themselves. Because they were connected. They were listening. They were content within. Today, I cherish any time I have to myself, as this is when I can tune in and feel most connected to this incredible ‘something’. The busy stresses of the modern day living and its sensory pleasures, feed the ego mind and take us away and block us from this intelligent force that is within and around all of us. When we withdraw our senses from the outer world and begin to observe the mind it gives us the opportunity to discriminate the thoughts from what is true/untrue. It helps us listen to the quiet whispers inside of us. It brings us to a sense of connection that is deeper than anything else, filling the void, satisfying, and ending the continual search for happiness. This connection provides a long-lasting fulfilment. Leaving us never to believe we are alone again, regardless of who is in our lives. What this ‘something’ is I don’t know. There are many names for it in different cultures and beliefs, however, I believe ultimately it is all the same thing. Some may simply call it intuition, the soul or higher-Self, others may refer to it as Mother Nature, Divine Energy, Chi, Ki, The Universe or God. But whatever you call it, it is yours, it is there for you and you are definitely NOT alone. You simply have to learn how to stop, tune in, ask for its help and then listen and respond to the signs. Sounds simple huh, just stop and tune in she says.…ha.. yeh it’s not that easy! Our restless minds and bodies distract us and keep us busy. That is why practicing Yoga and mediation is (one of) the most effective pathways to opening up the connection from mind and body, to spirit. Yoga essentially translates as “Union” – meaning to unite your body and mind, with soul/spirit. Not a day goes by now where I miss a meditation, that way everyday have some time to plugged in to this amazing force. When I find myself facing a problem or challenge, I no longer poor my energy into fear and worry, I ask this Universal Force to help me find a way to work it out and trust that it will. It blew my mind when I discovered Reiki and began to learn this healing modality was in fact teaching us to connect and work directly with this energy! But let me tell you, listening to your intuitive voice is not always easy!! It can be very difficult to honor that gut feeling, as more often that not it is pushing us out of our comfort zone, and into our next best step, which is challenging! The easy, comfortable path is usually the one that holds us back and keeps us limited and disconnected. In fact, some of my most difficult choices came from gut feelings that I simply had to trust, despite the fear and anxiety it gave me and what others may have been telling me to do. And boy I am so glad I listened. Once I began to TRUST and have faith in my inner voice, even when it was really, really scary, it turned out more than OK and life steadily got better and better. Each time I asked for guidance and trusted my inner compass, it worked out for the best, it taught me to have faith in my inner voice and ultimately my decisions. As I healed, my mindset naturally changed from lacking and yearning, to receiving and thanking. Every time I received a blessing no matter how small, I expressed my gratitude for the gift. There’s real magic in gratitude. The more grateful we become for what we receive and have, and the more blessings will come our way. So, it leads me to ask you this… What inner whispers have you been ignoring? Are you getting enough time out to even hear them? Perhaps this is your nudge to tune in, listen and be brave.... The photo is a sneak peak at where I am now being guided to go.....